Dark Night of the Soul

I painted the walls
of my dungeon
in bright colours
they didn’t need
to stay
black

I radiate
darkness

enough
for all of them

For those who like October Poetry Month, Morgan Dragonwillow provides prompts and a place to share your work: http://www.octpowrimo.com/2019/09/octpowrimo-2019-count-down.html  #OctPoWriMo

The prompt for today was Dark Night of The Soul. I’ve been having enough tough days recently to NOT want to dive into that prompt too much. Which is always possible, the prompts are here to inspire, not to prescribe.

The enemy within

The enemy within
strikes one
a homerun

I take a mirror
to strike back

The enemy within
hits home

I smash the mirror
and paint a self portrait
of my brain
bleeding

The prompt at napowrimo.net was to write a poem that engages with one of the other arts. I’m away all day, but found this one. Not in my notebook this time, but in my wallet, written on a receipt.

It’s allright, ma

I cannot write about my hunger for it’s too big
I cannot write about my hunger for it’s scary
I’m afraid my hunger will devour me when I take it into the light
Some things are better off in the shadows

So I eat, to not feel my hunger
So I drink, to not feel my hunger
So I smile, to not feel my hunger
So I reason, to not feel my hunger
So I deny, to not feel my hunger

I cannot write about my thirst for it’s too big
I cannot write about my thirst for it’s scary
I’m afraid my thirst will devour me when I take it into the light
Some things should remain in the shadows

So I drink, to not feel my thirst
So I eat, to not feel my thirst
So I smile, to not feel my thirst
So I reason, to not feel my thirst
So I deny, to not feel my thirst

I cannot write about my pain for it’s too big
I cannot write about my pain for it’s scary
I’m afraid my pain will devour me when I take it into the light
Some things should not exist

So I smile, to not feel my pain
So I eat, to not feel my pain
So I drink, to not feel my pain
So I reason, to not feel my pain
So I deny, to not feel my pain

It’s allright, I’m only bleeding on the inside

I thank Bob Dylan for the inspiration for the end of this poem, and the title. I thank OctPoWriMo for the prompt. Day 28!

Not feeling good

Birds flying high
don’t know how I feel
The sun in the sky
won’t know how I feel

There’s no new dawn
no new day
no new life
for me

Empathy is a lie
you don’t know how I feel
Don’t even try
to know how I feel

There’s no new day
no new light
no new life
for me

Here’s the intro for the prompt for #OctPoWriMo day10: “Today is World Mental Health Day, first established in 1992 by the World Federation for Mental Health. It’s a day to raise awareness about mental health issues through education and advocacy. One in four adults and one in five children will experience mental illness this year. (Resource: NAMI)”
Thinking about the prompt, this beautiful Nina Simone Song turned into something bleak in my head….

Shoot me

Please shoot me, she said
You’re my psychiatrist
You should know how to end this

I’ve run out of ideas
how to make it better
I don’t like being me
so unless you can turn me into somebody else
which is against your ethics I guess
please shoot me

Shoot me in the eye
for I can’t stand looking in the mirror
Shoot me in the mouth
I no longer want to hear myself speak
Shoot me in the foot
to keep me from walking downhill any further
Shoot me in the brain
I can’t stand my way of thinking no more

I’ll give it a shot, he answered
much to her surprise
A psychiatrist with a sense of humour
there should be a law against that
but he meant
sedation

Gimme a break she, said
He answered yes
That’s exactly what I’ll do

Musical suggestion for the digestion of this poem:

Too tired to try

She lay slouched on a sleazy settee
willfully wanting what we call the end
her hair hanging down in hopeless tangles

Eery eyes endlessly staring at the ceiling
deliberately deaf to her heart’s dull drumming
bored to bits by being blatantly alive

Too tired to try to give up

Written for #NaPoWriMo day 27. The prompt was to write about a deadly sin in 7 lines of 7 words.

Some body I used to know

Some body I used to know

Now and then I think of when we were together
You felt like you were mine
and I could lean on you

You got addicted to a certain kind of sadness
it was doom and gloom
and tough to be inside of you

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Refuse all contact
Issue a restraining order

You didn’t have to stoop so low
to sever our arteries and let me go

Now you’re just some body that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
I was doing fine
but you wouldn’t let me alone

You had me believe it was always something that I’d done
that I was born a sinner
and always needed to prove my right to live

I didn’t want to live that way
sorry about everything
all the time

I’m so happy that I cut you off
I admit it was a little rough
too much blood but I had had enough

All that’s is left is the body that I used to know

The inspiration for this poem – day 19 of NaPoWriMo – came from listening to this song that I love. Then my mind wandered off in more gruesome directions…

Separated

Today my brain left me
I’m not joking
It said goodbye

It said it needed a holiday
some time alone
to think

It doesn’t know
how long it will take
to find out what it wants
or needs

It doesn’t know when it’ll be back
Or if it will come back
at all

Just that it needs some time off
to remember
who it was
before it met me

Today my brain left me
I’m not joking
I said goodbye

(Day 25 of National Poetry Writing Month. Today’s prompt is not up yet but I am.)