Please don’t make me understand

Sometimes I’m fed up with all the things I understand now

I vividly remember when I didn’t understand
how someone could feel no self confidence
(those were the days)

I remember when I couldn’t picture
how daily tasks could seem too difficult to deal with
(they’re Kodachrome now)

I vaguely recall getting up in the morning
and looking forward to the day ahead
(those aren’t even black and white anymore)

There’s so much I understand these days that I’m sick of it

like how mothers can feel guilty over anything
like talking loved ones can be too much to bear
like how the outside world can seem too dangerous to enter

Sometimes I’m scared of the things I do not understand
Will they be the next thing I do?

Today’s prompt: http://www.octpowrimo.com/2017/10/day-5-finally-i-understand.html I try to use my own visual work as illustrations, because I’m sure about the copyright of that. This work is by Thierry De Cordier. The picture doesn’t do it justice, it’s stunning. Other works can be seen here or by google image search Thierry De Cordier

13 thoughts on “Please don’t make me understand

  1. Dawn D

    I’m stuck on your second stanza.
    I don’t think I have any recollection of ever feeling self-confident. Ever.
    I was broken before I can remember. And it makes me sad.
    Today is one of those dark days.
    Sigh!

    Reply
    1. Angela van Son Post author

      No way I’ll click like on that! This day will pass… There’s a lot going on now in your life, no wonder you feel a lot of things. I repeat, this day will pass… I’m happy you’re around.

      Reply
      1. Dawn D

        Me too. I’m happy you’re around, and happy to be around 🙂
        Yes, it’s a dark past. Some days are harder than others. Currently tweaking meds as well, may not be helping with the mood. But I think it’s helping with the weight. Not sure what is best, as the weight is putting me down too, couldn’t look at myself in a mirror any more. So… choices! Sigh. TMI, I know. Sorry!
        And yes, this day will pass. I just wish it would with my lover not so far!
        There are days when it really sucks to be alone. Sigh!
        I don’t know if anyone ever told you but I can’t see the pictures from my phone. I only see your blog’s banner. But I can see them from the laptop, so it’s not all that bad!
        XO

      2. Angela van Son Post author

        I have the same problem with visability on my phone. I don’t know how to change it. I can copy and paste the picture into the page, but then it’s not a featured image and it doesn’t show when I share the link (I think).

        Don’t they have a brand that doesn’t cause weight gain? I can totally understand how that’s putting you down (even when I try to care not about ideal body image).

      3. Dawn D

        It’s always complicated to find one that works. This one we knew worked, and to be honest, the situation was desperate and didn’t lend itself to fooling around trying to find the better option.
        At least I have positive reinforcement that I’m still lovable and desirable, which is much more than I’d ever had during my marriage!
        Sigh!

  2. heyannis

    Well done and so relatable as we travel through these days. A line that struck me:
    “Sometimes I’m scared of the things I do not understand
    Will they be the next thing I do?”
    Thank you. xoA

    Reply
  3. Morgan Dragonwillow

    The comment at the end confused me a little (of course I’m way too tired) as I thought you meant the poem wasn’t yours. I finally understood (oh wow, didn’t realize until I wrote that) you were talking only about the image.

    Love the poem, the epiphanies, and I feel the aches of loss. Well done.

    Peace,
    Morgan

    Reply
    1. Angela van Son Post author

      I’ll make that clearer, thank you!

      And even more thanks for your compliments. The poetry months are always the best, because they bring contact. I often don’t write outside these months, that’s when I draw and paint.

      Reply

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