Where poetry dies

Between tears I do not cry
Between words I do not speak
Between thoughts I dare not think

That’s where poetry lies

Beneath facts and measurements
Beneath productivity and stress
Beneath coping mechanisms and denial

That’s where poetry hides

Covered by criticism and self doubt
Covered by punishment and fear
Covered by demands and failure

That’s where poetry dies

24 thoughts on “Where poetry dies

      1. heyannis

        Angela, I liked the poem as is, especially the first stanza. But, you might consider following the form of the first stanza, making statements rather than lists. Just a thought.
        You’ve truly captured where poetry lies, hides, and dies. Thank you. xoA

      2. Angela van Son Post author

        Thanks so much Annis. This is where your ideas led me:

        Where poetry dies

        Between tears I do not cry
        Between words I do not speak
        Between thoughts I dare not think

        That’s where poetry lies

        Beneath facts and measurements I hold on to
        Beneath productivity and stress I abide
        Beneath coping mechanisms and denial to hold my head up

        That’s where poetry hides

        Covered by criticism and self doubt – on replay
        Covered by punishment and fear – I repeat
        Covered by demands and failure – a reprise

        That’s where poetry dies

  1. aka Cibo the Anti-Pasti Poet

    I think the simplicity of the first three lines works well; the second and third stanzas become more complex and not so immediate. As a poem it works very well as a whole and the second and third stanzas do give it depth and gravitas – I’m not sure that ‘productivity’ or the like is readily explanatory. You could simplify the 2nd and 3rd stanzas but keep their overall feel. Just my thoughts, (IMHO) as they say. G:)

    Reply
    1. Angela van Son Post author

      Productivity must be one of the least poetic words I know. Kind of aweful to use it in a poem. At one point I added “quod est demonstrandum”, almost as an excuse. I took it out, it distracted.

      Reply
    2. Angela van Son Post author

      This is where your feedback led me G:

      Where poetry dies

      Between tears I do not cry
      Between words I do not speak
      Between thoughts I dare not think

      That’s where poetry lies

      Beneath facts,measurements
      productivity, stress
      coping mechanisms, denial –

      That’s where poetry hides

      Covered by criticism and self doubt
      Covered by punishment and fear
      Covered by demands and failure

      That’s where poetry dies

      (Now I’ll try and work with Annis’ suggestions next. I love the luxury of having tips to choose from!)

      Reply
  2. zannierose

    yep- can identify with this…dont know why, but I saw white lace as I was reading the first part of the poem…and feel determined to continue even though there seems so much against it at times

    Reply
    1. Angela van Son Post author

      I hope it will go away every time it shows up!

      By now, I’ve learned to share my stuff no matter what I think about it. Even when I don’t like what I draw or write, it’s sometimes relevant/interesting/beautiful to other people.

      I like reading your poems this OctPoWriMo, thank you for sharing! I’m totally unable to describe nature, you do a great job at it.

      Reply

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